The Tragic Adventures Of Captain Mal's Lucky Hats
by Corrinth
Summary: Co-writtten with one of my bestest friends, Taith Ant. Our first joint venture does exactly what it sais on the tin - Capt. Mal has had a stream of lucky hats. This series of shorts tells how each one turned out not to be as lucky as Mal hoped they'd be!


Disclaimer :We own neither Firefly nor any one the following characters. The only thing we claim the rights to is Mal's lucky hat... when he finds it!!

Corrinth's Note : Myself and Taith Ant are somewhat renowned by now for being a little bit crazy... I don't know if she remembers how we came up with this, but I remember working on it on a day trip to Blackpool and getting some very strange looks because of all the giggles. I'm not so good with comedy stories but we decided to give this one a shot. Our first attempt at a Firefly/Serenity story, and our first joint fic. Enjoy!!

**Chapter One : The Tragic Tale of Captain Mal's Lucky Hats**

"Awww Cap'n." Kaylee chirped, looking up from her repairs to the Mule which was in the dead centre of Serenity's cargo bay. With much emphasis on the dead, as Jayne had pointed out to the ships engineer without offering to help."you're wearing your lucky hat!"

"Don't look like a lucky hat to me." Jayne grunted, leaning back in the driver's seat and plonking his feet on the dashboard after scrutinising the aforementioned headgear. He pointed at the battered, grubby, dusty, blotchy, faded brown-ish cowboy hat and gave a barking laugh. "Looks like a bent up piece of junk hat to me."

Mal gave his hat a theatrical tug, pulling the hat further down over his eyes and lowering his head so his whole face was cast in shadow, then tucked a thumb in each of his front belt loops and declared in his worst fake cowboy accent "Well, y'all, may not be lookin' like a lucky hat to you folks but yes-siree, it's the luckiest hat I got."

"Sir," Zoe reminded him pragmatically from her vantage point on the landing above, "it's the only hat you've got. Each and every one of the others got blown up, shot at, or commandeered during the war."

"Well," Mal said, affronted. "That makes it a _real_ lucky had then, don't it?"

Wash appeared from the cockpit of their ship to stand beside Zoe having landed Serenity on the latest planet, catching the end of the conversation. "So how did said headpiece – very fetching I might add – acquire it's mystical and magical luckiness?"

"It's the only hat that didn't get blown up, shot at or commandeered during the war." Zoe joked with an affectionate smile at her husband.

"I guess it stops his gorram brains leakin' out his ears." Jayne muttered, earning himself a sharp slap on the arm from Kaylee.

"I'm sure that it's just the hat that he's lucky with the ladies in." The pretty young engineer defended her captain whilst offering him a cheeky wink. The comment gained her a series of hearty laughs from the rest of the crew, causing Mal to offer his crew an amused grimace. Pushing his lucky hat up with an index finger until it was at a jaunty angle and sitting firmly on the crown of his head, Mal looked round at them all and sighed.

"As amusing as you all seem to find this, I'm telling you, this gorram hat is the gorram genuine article." When no-one seemed impressed, the Captain offered further explanation. "If it wasn't for this hat, Zoe, Serenity an' me'd be one big pancake. Kinda flat, having crashed into an asteroid at full whack tryin' to out run a whole fleet of Alliance folk through – you guessed it – an asteroid field."

Zoe nodded along to this, having been there, whilst Mal folded his arms defensively and dared his crew to challenge him on this. He was pleased by most of their reactions as Wash gave an appreciating whistle. Kaylee gasped involuntarily, clapping her hand over her mouth. Jayne however, crossed his arms and gave an unimpressed grunt. "How in hell did a gorram _hat_ save your bacon?"

"I was wearin' my lucky hat, only then it was just a new hat, whilst we were outrunnin' these cruisers, when it fell off. I made a grab for it, nudgin' the navigational controls in the process. Pullin off the classic Reynold's manoeuvor for the first ever time, Serenity dived around the oncoming asteroid, into which one of them big-assed cruisers promptly crashed, causin' a good ole fashioned pile up on the freeway. Anyway, whilst them Alliance folk untangled one ship from another, me an' Zoe high-tailed it out of there. Lucky hat." Mal finished abruptly, pointing to his battered hat.

Zoe rolled her eyes and said quietly. "So how many lucky hats have you had now, Sir? Fifteen, sixteen?"

"What do you mean?" Mal objected. "Ain't none of them as lucky as this one, or as pretty either!"

"That's for sure." Zoe retorted. "At least not when you'd finished with them."

"Tell us about your lucky hats, Cap'n! Please..." Kaylee begged, wiping her hands on Jayne's sleeve, provoking a very verbal protest from him. "Language, Jayne! Please Cap'n, tell us!"

Mal snatched his lucky hat off his head and clutched it too his chest, stroking it defensively as if it were a small pet. "Not in front of this hat! It'll make it all unlucky and then next time I wear it I'll probably end up dead!"

"Well, meet us in the galley in ten minutes then." Kaylee ordered, not wanting to lose the opportunity of learning a little more about her Captain. "It's Jayne's turn to make dinner and I could use a break."

"Is not!" Jayne protested.

"Is so." Kaylee retorted. "Please Cap'n."

"Oh all right." Mal sighed, wandering away to put his lucky hat back in his cabin, and frowning over where to start with the story of his many, many lucky hats...


End file.
